The 3.5 Big Mistakes Guys Make When They Like a Woman – And How to Avoid Them
Posted on 16. Mar, 2010 by Nick in Dating Tips
I didn’t know it at the time, but I was reading the book that would RUIN my game with women… I stood at the checkout with this small red book by one of those self-help relationship gurus (I’m protecting the identity of the guilty party here… but it was a female author). This book went into great detail about what women want from men and how to understand women. I thought I had found THE key to understanding women. Well, this self-help author was making a BIG mistake with her book, though. I’ll come back to it in a minute. This is the same mistake that I made for YEARS as I tried to convince women that I was the best guy for them. I’d sit and read books like this all weekend long (instead of going out and approaching and meeting women).
I’d learn just about every bad habit imaginable, and then proceed to practice them on any woman I could convince to go out with me. And my game was completely ruined in about 2 years of this. Not that my game before was all that great, but now I was a complete wuss-bag. I kept trying to give women what they said they wanted, but they kept getting sick of me and disappearing. Usually I would just call them and get the answering machine for about 3 weeks before I’d finally give up. I can imagine them sitting there rolling their eyes as I left these long, wussy messages.
They probably wished I would have just taken a hint a lot earlier. I finally got to the point where I figured out where I was screwing things up with women, and I also learned why the PhDs and most of the “love doctors” out there were doing more harm than good to guys. Here are just a few of the mistakes guys make when they’re brainwashed by the wrong information HOW TO UNDERSTAND WOMEN – 3.5 Big Mistakes Guys Make With Women
MISTAKE 1: Men try to PROVE that they are the guy she’s been looking for. Here’s some of the things I used to do: – I’d write her an email that talked about “the 10 reasons we fit together.” – Or I’d make her a mix CD of all the songs that we both discovered we liked. As if I would “remind” her of this and she’d respond with: “Oh, yeah, we’re SO compatible! It’s really amazing…” And, yes, after that got old I’d be talking to her answering machine for another 3 weeks. When you PUSH a woman toward the answer you want her to come up with, she will sense your pressure – AND she will resist it because that’s where she feels like she’s being cornered. On the other hand, if you simply just let her find it on her own, she’ll probably believe it was more an act of fate or destiny – and then believe it twice as much than if you’d pushed it on her that way. It’s like putting food in a fish bowl. You sprinkle a little in, and trust that when the fish see the food floating past them, they will bite.
MISTAKE 2: Guys try to TELL women how they feel. It took me a long time to figure this out, but when it comes to how to understand women, making HER understand YOU first is not the way to go about it. This one has always mystified me, mostly because *I* used to do it all the time. And even when I did it and it failed miserably, I KEPT doing it as if doing it more would MAKE it work. I think this comes from a desire to be clear and force women to reciprocate their feelings by telling them our own. Which, if you really think about it, doesn’t make a whole lot of sense. The fact is that women are not attracted to the feelings they KNOW you have for them. This is key and important, so really read this closely: They’re attracted to the feelings they HOPE you have for them that they felt for you first. Did you get that? They are just like every other person in the world, in that they are most concerned with the feelings they want YOU to feel for them – if they feel it first. The rule is really easy: The first person to confess their feelings is the one that’s completely emotionally infatuated with the other. It might not be fair, but it’s 100% true.
MISTAKE 3: Guys worry about saying the right thing more than they worry about how to avoid saying the WRONG thing. What I mean is that guys spend a lot of time trying to find the PERFECT line to use with women, or the coolest thing to say to girls that they meet. “Gimme a great pickup line or routine, Carlos…” “Carlos, what do I say when…” What they don’t realize is that you simply need to AVOID saying the wrong things most of the time and you’ll get the girl just as often. You see, even knowing exactly the RIGHT thing to say (the right words) is usually not enough to create attraction. You need a confident attitude, the right body language, correct timing, and solid inner game. However, this IS NOT true in reverse. Saying the WRONG thing CAN and WILL ruin your approach with a woman and blow things up in your face. Most success with women is simply NOT screwing up the easy stuff.
MISTAKE 3.5: Guys try to “lock it in” with a woman and make things DEFINITELY way too fast. Think of the last time you saw a good thriller, or a mystery. What was it that made that movie interesting to you? That’s right. It was what you DIDN’T KNOW about what was going to happen next. Tension is in those moments of NOT knowing, and sexual tension means NOT knowing how the other person thinks or feels about us. The one thing a woman thrives on most in relationships (early on) is a level of UN-certainty. You see, when things are definite and certain, they’re comfortable. We do need a little of the security in comfort. But if it comes too early, it KILLS attraction. It’s like giving too much sun and water to a small flower. Attraction is not supposed to be comfortable. It’s a state of changing uncertainty, punctuated by occasional moments of mind-blowing joy as the person you’re with gives you the occasional indications of their interest – and shared feelings.
So the author of that relationship book I read made a BIG error in her reasoning. You’ve probably figured what her mistake was by now. Thinking with the LOGICAL part of her brain instead of the EMOTIONAL part does not unlock the “attraction code” with women. Attraction is not a logical decision. I guarantee you didn’t sit down and evaluate the last woman you were hot for and come to this conclusion. Instead, it hit you like a bolt of lightning. The most important lesson you must have in order to understand women and what women want is this: Women do not decide LOGICALLY who they are attracted to.
They do not sit down and say, “Hmm, this guy looks really good on paper. He’s got a solid balance sheet, good provider, smart, likes to play video games, and he exercises. Yup, that’s it. I’m sold. I am totally HOT for this guy!” It’s easy to fall into this kind of thinking if you’re not aware of how attraction works. Instead, if you want to understand women, you have to learn that women feel attraction first in their gut – and then they’ll pursue you. The rules of creating that gut-level attraction come from some fast and easy skills you can learn in just a few hours. I want you to start getting some REAL results with your dating skills, and I want you to get on the fast track.
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Jeremy Richardson
Mar 17th, 2010
dude this helped SO much! thanks!!!